Ada Week: Day 1 - Evel Knievel Ada

Don't mind the toplessness, it increases her aerodynamics.

This is what we do for fun, sometimes.

Notice the Christmas beard? Because of my business world background, I was able to negotiate a deal with LB so it is staying until John is born. But I can't go into detail on that during Ada Week, so more on that later.

Also, LB wanted me to add that the real reason Ada didn't have a shirt on is because she had just eaten spaghetti and Ada requested to take it off because it was messy. I called shenanigans on LB for impartiality, she never lets me do that when we go to the Olive Garden.

Ada Week

Last night LB thought she might be in labor. Sort of. She said, "If I didn't know any better, I'd think I was going into labor." Unfortunately, she did know better. We are still waiting on John.

However, that did get me thinking. Ada has had free reign here at the blog for a while now, but it won’t be that way much longer. We’ve spent a lot time preparing Ada for Baby John coming to live with us, invading her life, and forcing her have to share her toys, her life and her mom. Unfortunately, I haven’t prepared for her for sharing the blog. I’m not sure how she is going to handle it, she'll be devastated I'm sure.

A few months ago, I vowed to post about Ada but have kind of failed at that, so I am going to make it all up to her this week. Today starts Ada Week. It’s kind of like Shark Week, only with less ferociousness and more adorableness. For example, yesterday I got a haircut. When I got home Ada was still taking her nap. An hour or so later she woke up so I went to get her. When she saw me she said “Hey, Haircut!” and referred me Haircut for the rest of the day.

I don’t have anything planned out at this point because I am basically posting this out of anxiety of John being born and guilt for not living up to promise of posting about Ada, but I’m pretty sure I can come up with something, because Ada is pretty

"Awesome."

Continuing the LOST Preperation

I found this on Jorge Garcia's blog. If you want to check out his blog he's in The Circle of Trust over on the right sidebar. If you have a blog and your are not in The Circle of Trust, let me know and I will add you. If I trust you.

Also, unrelated, please take a moment of your time to go participate in this very worthwhile poll.

Happy LOSTing.

UPDATED: For BowenOwens and Calis.

So, this was an addendum to the previous LOST post because BowenOwens pointed out that I didn't include the most important character of all, Vincent. I had this on that post for a few days, and then Calis pointed that it wouldn't enlarge. Because I know as much about computers as does a socket wrench, I couldn't fix it.

My solution? Create a whole new post. Of course. Because I care about my readers and there are no limits to how far I will go for you. Unless I am tired, or there's something good on TV. But for the most part I am here for you. Anyway, here you go:

(Click to enlarge) (Hopefully)

Honestly, this didn't deserve it's own post.

UPDATE:

UPDATE: Ok Blogger is making this ridiculous. I know this worked this morning and now it doesn't. I tried to manually enlarge it and the words got all distorted. I think the Others are messing with me. I'm going to provide some brief cliff notes and forget all this ever happened.

Panel 1: Vincent realizes he's hungry.

Panel 2: Vincent swimming. Because there are no Pizza Huts on the island. Don't worry he knows the correct coordinates.

Panel 3: Vincent orders his pizza.

Panel 4: Vincent carries his pizza to a nice quiet spot on the shore.

Panel 5: Vincent has eaten his pizza and is reflecting on it's deliciousness.

Panel 6-10: Vincent is about to swim home but then realizes that he just ate and doesn't want to cramp. So he embarks on a series of various adventures to pass the time, including riding roller coasters and coaching Brett Favre to a playoff victory, among other things...

Panel 11: Vincent realizes that his 30min has elapsed but is now too tired to swim back home so he decides to take a take a nap.

Panel 12: Vincent is rudely awakened from his nap by a litter of puppies trying to nurse.

Panel 13-14: Vincent races home.

Panel 15: John Locke has made a homemade dog whistle.

Panel 16: Vincent and Walt are reunited. Michael is somewhere in the distance yelling, "Waaaaaallt!!! "

Panel 17: Vincent provides us with a moral to the story: The next time you go out for pizza, wear pants.

See? It really wasn't worth all of this...

And there is still 13 days left..........

UPDATED: The LOSTies Order a Pizza

LOST is back on February 2. I’m pretty excited. In honor of this final, what is sure to be glorious, season, I decided to do a LOST post. This is the characters of LOST decision making process when ordering a pizza. If you don’t watch lost (and how unfortunate for you) just skip this whole post.

Kate:
1) Look up the number for Pizza Hut.
2) Then look up the number for Dominoes.
3) Decide to go back to Pizza Hut.
4) Then back to Dominoes.
5) Back to Pizza Hut.
6) Dominoes.

Sayid:
1) Construct a phone from the remains of a coconut and the inner workings of Jin’s gold watch.
2) Call to inquire about any specials (reluctantly interrogate/torture pizza place employee for best deal if it means helping friends in the end.)
3) Sport black tank top and dark flowing locks.

Hurley:
1) Call around to find out which pizza place has the longest buffet hours.
2) Go there.

Jack:
1) For no reason at all, pizza place employees seem to consult you before every decision.
2) Scream violently at all employees and decide to make the pizza yourself.
3) Do not slice the pizza because “We live together, die alone.”
4) Eat it resentfully while scowling and contemplating the next move to get out of the pizza place.

Boone:
1) Because there are no readily available utensils, have Jack slice your pizza by slamming it in the oven door.

Ben:
1) Eat another character’s pizza.
2) Finagle them into believing they actually ordered the pizza for you.
3) Persuade them that if they order you another pizza, you will tell them everything you know.
4) Stare at them all bug-eyed and smile coyly out of the side of your mouth when they are not looking.

Sawyer:
1) Stop reading whatever classic novel that you’ve happened to run upon across.
2) Fervently demand to anyone in a close range proximity that “You don’t need no pizza!”
3) Secretly order pizza to keep for yourself, and while talking to pizza place employee on the phone call them several witty nicknames that you seemingly make up on the fly.

Jin:
1) Call pizza place and speak Korean words.
2) Become incredibly frustrated, and still away to catch your own pizza for you and your spouse.
3) Call back a few weeks later and order a pizza in perfect English.

Locke:
1) Angrily hang up on pizza place because they said you can’t get stuffed crust on a personal pan pizza and “No one tells you what you can’t do!”
2) Sit at home and BELIEVE that a pizza will appear on the table on its own.
3) Give up, lose all faith and put a frozen pizza in the oven.
4) Come to realize that the frozen pizza wanted you to put it the oven the whole time and was merely using you as a pawn.
5) Blow up everyone else’s ovens because you know they will suffer the same fate.

Desmond:
1) Unbutton your shirt about halfway down.
2) Refer to your pizza as “brotha”.

Michael:
1) Go to Papa John’s and ask if any has seen Walt!!
2) Go to Little Caesar’s and ask if anyone has seen Waalt!!!
3) Go into the parking lot look up toward the sky with outstretched arms and scream Waaaaaaalt!!!!
4) Find Walt eating pizza with John Locke and tell him to never eat pizza with John Locke again.

Charlie:
1) Tape all your knuckles and write “Hot Pizza” in black sharpie across them.
2) Give Claire and empty pizza box containing an imaginary pizza, then serenade her with “You All Everybody”
3) See that your friends have called what they thought was a pizza place but in reality it was not a pizza place at all. It was actually an ocean liner full of contracted military personnel determined to kill everyone, so as an ultimate sacrifice you somehow lock yourself in a room filled with water, effectively drowning yourself, to save everyone and with your last gasps of breath you scribble onto the palm of your hand “Not the pizza place” which confuses everyone because they don’t know exactly what you meant by that and when there’s a large group of people gathered there are bound to be several differing opinions on the message you were trying to convey. Unfortunately, in the end, this selfless act fails to keep the malicious pizza delivery guys with machine guns away from your friends. Sad.


Also, I made a cartoon:

(Click to enlarge)

I know this isn't funny, but it took about 30min of my lunch break to make so I 'm posting it anyway.

AN UPDATE. For BowenOwens:

(Click to enlarge)

See what happens when you leave comments? Now, I expect to either start getting a ton of comments or never get one again. We'll see.

2010 Resolutions

I never do resolutions. I’m already prone to not finish things I start, so why encourage myself to fail? But the other day, I was walking through Barnes and Noble and saw Joel Osteen’s new book: Your Time is Now. I saw his big smiling face and knew if I believed, anything was possible so I was all “you’re right Joel, my time is now!” and I sat down to come up with my resolutions for the new year. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to think of any before the nice B&N employee asked me to move because I was blocking the aisles.

When I got home and restarted my list, I was just going to give my self easy ones that I knew I could complete, like to blink sometimes, to think about pterodactyls on occasion, or to continue not doing meth. At first, all of them seemed pretty easy and had various health benefits, but the more I thought about it the more they seemed to be cheating somehow. So, I came up with a few official ones:

1) Read 1 book a month. I can do that, right? I’m already over halfway through my first one, so I like my chances. But come December, if it looks like I’m not going to make it, I will just pull out a few of my old Choose Your Own Adventure books. I usually died after about the second decision I had to make in those, so I could knock a ton out pretty quickly.

2) Run in at least 6 5k’s. That may not sound like much, but considering I have only run 1 in the last 28yrs, it’s quite the lofty goal for me. I’m in the 2nd week of the Couch to 5k 9 week training program, so come March I hope to be 1/6 of my way through this one. Apparently, some people are natural runners. I am not one of those. I also don’t believe that there is a such thing as a ‘runner’s high’. I think skinny people made it up give people like me something to strive for. Whatever, skinny people, I’m not falling for it.

Also, when you run do you wonder if people are looking at you, judging you? I do. Mostly because I do that to people I see running. As a result, I’m a very self conscience runner. When I run, I always start out strong, but cars never seem to be passing me so no one sees me when I’m at my best. But near the end, when I’m running like a tranquilized circus bear, I always seem to be running by a line of cars stopped at a red light. I can sense them peering sympathetically out their windows. They’re only there for a brief moment but we entire conversations with our eyes:

Passer-by: You poor, poor man.
Me: I know.
PB: Do you actually consider that running?
Me: Unfortunately.
PB: Maybe try some insertable arch supports? Or water aerobics?
Me: I can’t swim either. I mean I can float, I’m very buoyant, but that’s about all I got.
PB: That would probably be a faster mode of transportation. Floating.
Me: Yeah, but it’s not very cardio.
PB: Neither is that.
Me: …

Then I hang my head, trying not to make eye contact with any other passing motorists as to avoid repeating the same shameful conversation.

3) Blink sometimes. Just in case…

Next year, I think I am resolving to never make resolutions again. No matter what Joel Osteen says.

Lift Off

Auld Lang Syne

*Acting debut mentioned by animated Scott can be seen here.