Weekend Update on Tuesday

Friday night:
I went to the Brave’s game. My buddy, Sheffer, has season tickets, lives about 10min from the stadium, and has a real Brian McCann jersey. I live in a constant state of jealously of Shef. He called me on Thursday night to see if I wanted to go and I was all over it. The Braves lost, of course. Mainly because I was there but also because they didn’t score as many runs as Texas.

We still had fun though. The highlights:

• Pregame: We ate at the EARL and I got an EARL burger. The EARL burger is one of the three burgers that caused the Wall Street Journal to proclaim that Atlanta has the best hamburgers in the country. I don’t know much about the WSJ, but I do know that I agree with their stance on hamburgers.


• Game: Brian McCann hit a homerun in the Moe’s fifth inning, which meant everyone in the stadium got a free Homewrecker burrito from Moe’s on Saturday. Just another reason Brian McCann is my favorite Brave.


• I got to meet Tyler Stanton. Tyler is a cyberfriend that I had never met in real life. I’m glad we got that first awkward meeting where you never know what to say out of the way, so next time we see each other, we can totally be BFF!

Saturday:
A couple families from church came over on Saturday night. I grilled hamburgers for everyone. It was the first time I had grilled hamburgers for anybody other than our little family. I was nervous from about Tuesday when LB told me about it until everyone was done eating Saturday night. I think it went well. No one threw up when they took a bite and there have been no reports of E. Coli. That is a successful dinner party as far as I am concerned, no vomiting or contracting of bacterial diseases. I probably have lower standards than most in regards to dinner parties.

Sunday:
I was supposed to go see a movie, but the day really got away from us. Mostly because of the 4hr naps our entire family took. Well, everyone but Ada. Apparently she played PBS Kids games on my laptop the entire time. She is more technologically savvy than I am.

I didn’t get to go see a movie, but thanks my business world background I was able to negotiate a much sweeter deal with LB. Instead of paying $10 to see one movie Sunday night, I am going to wait until the movies I want to see come to the $1 theater and see 10 movies spread throughout the summer. That is probably the best Father’s Day I could get. That and my family. But I get them all the time, I never get to go see a movie.

Did you have a pleasant Father’s Day?

“Computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me, the choice is easy.”

Recently, three women in Seattle rented a car and drove it into a lake because they were following the directions given to them by their GPS. I wonder at what point they were like “Oh no! It’s the lake!”

The important thing is everyone made it out safely. And renter’s insurance. Both of those are important.

Here is the news report:



Does all of this remind you of anything? Like the time technology tried to kill Michael Scott? That was one of my Top 5 Office moments, so it was the first thing I thought of when I heard this story.

Here's the clip:



Life imitates art. Hilariously.

PS. I also found this video on Youtube when I was looking for the ‘Michael driving into the lake’ scene. Someone took that episode and turned it into a movie trailer similar to There Will Be Blood. It’s pretty good. I would have included it but they had embedding disabled so you will just have to click the link. I promise, it is an entertaining 2-3min.

Protect Your Copper Wiring

I saw on the news that thieves are breaking people’s air conditioning units to steal the copper wiring inside. I’d be so ticked if that happened to me. I’d be like Liam Neeson in Taken:

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills that I have acquired mostly while enjoying air conditioning. Skills that make me a nightmare for people who break my air conditioning. If you fix my AC right now that will be the end of it; I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kick you in the crotch then hurriedly run away before you have a chance to get up.”*

*Actual Liam Neeson quote from the movie Taken. Possibly paraphrased.

Seriously though, I wanted to warn all of you about this so you could booby trap your AC units or something. Maybe set a milk jug full of pennies on top of your units. That way the thief will be all “Oh, I will just take this jug of copper money rather than going through the trouble of breaking this air conditioning unit.” Because I think even thieves can be reasonable too if given the opportunity.

However, this is risky because I am pretty sure pennies are not even of made copper anymore which means they may not be a temptation to the thief at all, only proving how worthless they really are. If pennies can't avert burglars from breaking your air conditioning unit, do they even serve a purpose?

No matter what pennies are made of, chances are the thief will take your milk jug of pennies and steal your copper wiring. But the joke is really on them because you can put one of those paint ball things in your jug that explode when the jug is opened. Like banks do. Then they will get arrested for being painted. I think that is how the judicial system works. Don't quote me on that though.

But for real, y'all, please don’t break my AC unit. It’s hot.

How would you deter criminals from thieving your copper wiring?

Letter to the University of Tennessee

I originally wrote this last year when UGA’s Athletic Director, Damon Evans, was fired for driving while under the influence of wearing lady’s underwear. Or something like that. I’m not sure. Nonetheless, Georgia didn’t hire me and their football team had their first losing season in about 18 years. I should add that to my resume.

Couple that with the fact that UT is set to go before the NCAA's Committee on Infractions this coming Saturday because they have been charged with major violations in both football and men’s basketball, and I may stand a chance this time.

Tennessee, unlike Georgia, hasn’t posted this position online yet, but I am trying to get ahead in the game. This is me showing initiative.

Dear the University of Georgia University of Tennessee:

I am very interested in the Athletic Director position that has recently become available at your university. I submitted my resume immediately when I saw your job posting online. I have a lot of respect for your institution and am excited to see an opportunity that vaguely fits my skill set.
After reading through all 18 Duties and Responsibilities you have listed for the role, I see that I may not be exactly what you have in mind. But I don’t think you should limit yourself to someone “who has considerable expertise in intercollegiate athletics management”. You should think more outside the box. I came up with a few reasons you should hire me:

• I will work for the same salary as the current lowest paid Athletic Director in the SEC.
• I will start wearing a top hat and eating my Hot Pockets with a knife and fork in an effort to help the university appear classier.
• I will change the school colors to: leather. It will increase profits due to fans buying new apparel and merchandise while simultaneously helping the football team carry out fake handoffs.
• I will assign an intern to log onto the University of Tennessee’s Wikipedia page daily and add a new fact interchanging the University of Tennessee with Chuck Norris (i.e. Crop circles are the University of Tennessee’s way of telling the world sometimes corn needs to lie down.)
• I will strike a deal with TBS to edit all airings of the 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story to have Ralphie say “the University of Tennessee” rather than “Fudge.”
• I will never hire Lane Kiffin. Ever. (Rehire in UT's case.)
• I will rename all the Krispy Kremes in Knoxville to Phil Fulmer’s Donut Shoppe. (new one tailored just for UT)
• I have won 30+ college football national championships on Xbox. I also have some NFL experience via Madden ’08.
• I will change our mascot from Volunteers to Dynamite. Because dynamite always wins in Rock Paper Scissors. Also in Rock Paper Scissor, the sign for dynamite is the thumbs up, so now we have our new logo.
• I am overweight yet not obese. According to recent statistical findings, 34% of adults 20yrs of age or older are overweight and not obese. This essentially means I am a minority, and I am pretty sure hiring minorities helps you with your taxes or something?
• I will increase ticket sales for both the women’s equestrian team and the golf team, by combining their events.
• I will change the fight song to Top Gun’s Danger Zone and the alma mater would be that song the Bayside Glee Club wrote for the school song writing competition.

These are only a handful of ideas that I was able to come up with during the last twenty minutes of my lunch break at my current job, there are plenty more where these come from if you only give me the opportunity. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Regards,

Scott Moore

PS. If you need references, I can mail you the memory card from my Xbox. Or possibly track down my old high school football coach. Which ever of those is more professional.

Updated: Song dedication

This is for you, Blog. I know it’s been like two weeks. My bad.



I’ve been in a funk lately. It is partially because both of our vehicles simultaneously quit moving unless they were pushed. But mostly its because I realized that I’m going to have to go the whole summer without seeing a new episode of Parks and Recreation. According to Jay-Z 30 is the new 20, according to me Parks and Rec is the new Office. I will miss Ron Swanson.

Luckily my SIL, Kate, is missionarying in the Orient and is letting us borrow her car while she is there, so we have about another month to get our car situation worked out. Also, Parks and Rec is available to watch instantly on Netflix. So, hopefully my funk will not last long.

UPDATE: I didn't want LB to get jealous of me serenading my blog and not her. This is for you, LB:


PS. Thanks Kate.